Fluid mixing saga - a sarkastic comedy - Act 23

[Impatient]

In context of the recent FFF 312 https://factorio.com/blog/post/fff-312 .

I would be entirely ok with fluid mixing. I was used to empty the pipe network using pumps, when fluids went down the wrong pipe occasionally. Occasionally I even used the same pipe network to transport different fluids in some sophisticated train unloading station. I really liked that.
IMO the problem was not the mixing, but the fact that with the fluid mechanic, it could take a long time to empty a pipe network using a pump and the fact that factorio is autoconnecting pipes. On the matter of the later one: Why is that? Pipes automatically connecting to other pipes is a ridiculous and unneccessary game mechanic. Why can we not have pipes running in prallel? Why can't we decide where the pipes connect?

IMO the whole situation is a mess. First I don't know why this ridiculous game mechanic is there in the first place. Did the character crash land on the living-pipes-magically-connecting-in-any-way-possible-planet? I want to build pipes that run in prallel from left to right, or build a T-piece or 90° turn next to other pipes, without them magically and automatically connecting. That is something everyone would expect to be possible in this game. No, beginners have to learn the frustrating way, that it is not.
I somewhere read once that those autoconnecting pipes are in the game to pose an additional puzzle. Fair enough. A decision by the game designers and I think everyone who plays factorio, to some degree likes puzzles.
Ok, so we learn to solve it, to master it and use it. But then you think, that this puzzle and the consequences, if you can't solve it, are too harsh to (new) players. And then you implement a game mechanic, that prevents the players from doing the puzzle wrong? It diminishes the sense of having the puzzle in first place, right?

Here is my sarcastic comedy about it:

The fluid mixing saga - Act 23

Devs to players with wrong fluids in pipes: "Ooooooh, poor babies, all your refinery networks are polluted with the wrong fluid? Well, that is because you did not check your pipe networks properly. Pipes are magicvally connecting in our game. Didn't you learn that already?"

Players with wrong fluids in pipes to devs: "Fuck you and this stupid game. We are going to refund it!"

Devs to each other: "... Hm, if it is too hard, they get frustrated and don't like it, they don't play it and don't buy it or refund it. We should do something about it."

DevA: "Ok, let's get rid of the autoconnecting pipes. Was a weired idea in the first place. And that is the thing, that makes up 80% of the mistakes of the players."

DevLead: " 'You crazy? I told ya all, I swore to my grand-granny, that factorio will always have this puzzle with magically connecting pipes, when she was near dead in the hospital. She was a hughe puzzle fan and it really made her happy. And she also liked magic machines."

Other Devs: ".... ."

DevB: "Ok, so let's give them tools to analyze the pipe network. Isn't that a good idea? Like with the rail network. Let's highlight different pipe networks in different colors, so they see which parts are connected and which parts are not. And in this overlay, let's put fluid icons on each well and sink of a fluid, so they see which fluid or fluids can be expected to enter a particular network."

DevLead: "Are you kidding me brah? They never going to understand that. They wouldn't even find out how to activate said tool. You know, players are stupid."

DevC: "Are you listening to yourself? What about all our hardcore players? What about that study that showed, that the average IQ of a factorio player is significiantly higher than those of players of a lot of other computer games. They are not stupid. Maybe they are even here because of that ridiculous pipe puzzle mechanic."

DevLead: " Uhhh, .... , .... , .... You seriously need to clam down dawg. They don't count. .... "

DevC: "What do you mean by 'They don't count'?" Are you listening to yours ... "

DevLead: "They will play the game anyways dawg. They are hooked, they love the game and there is no alternative to factorio. Not a really good one. You know that. We can do a lot dumbing to factorio and they will still play."

DevC: "You will piss them off again."

DevLead: "Look peoples, I put it this way: I want everyone to buy factorio. I ... We want the money. But more than the money I WANT EVERYONE TO LOVE FACTORIO and I want to make a triple A, which attracts the broadest audience, for proof! Proof of how powerful vodoo can be!"

OtherDevs: " .... ".

DevA: "Then, maybe you should not have sworn ridiculous oaths to puzzle fanatic machine occultists before they die, in the first place?"

DevLead: "Have some respect for tha grannies and for tha boss and for the vodoo, employee!"

DevA: "It is just ridiculous."

DevLead: "Silence! Relax! I tell you how we will do it: We will make the game dedicate each pipe network to a specific fluid, depending on the first well or sink of a fluid it gets connected to. ..... "

OtherDevs: "... Whaaaat?!?!? "

DevLead: " .... Pipe networks which are dedicated to different fluids can not be connected."

OtherDevs: "... Whaaaat?!?!?"

DevLead: "It will not be possible to take any action which connects networks dedicated to different fluids."

DevB: "How in the universe are we going to enforce that?"

DevR: "Are you aware what this will mean in the context of our spaghetti code? Connecting actions are handled all over the place. We wouldn't even know where and could not even be sure to have changed all of them."

DevLead: "Code structure is your thing specifically. Deal with it. Write better code."

DevR: "It is your legacy code and legacy code structure we are dealing with here."

DevLead: "Silence! You are hired specifically to optimize and restructure the code. And you said you like to do that, like I like vodoo. So be silent"

DevR: " .... . "

DevC: "Wait a minute! Let me summarize that. You want factorio to cater to a broad audience. But a good portion of that actual or intended audience has a problem with fluids accidentally mixing, which is to another good portion because of the pipe puzzel game. ..."

DevLead: "Correct. You are getting there dwag."

DevC: "... Stopd callign me 'dawg'! It is not even part of the vodoo culture. .... But instead of getting rid of a good portion of the cause of the problem - that is the pipe puzzle game, which you won't get rid of, because you swore to your by now dead grand-granny, that it will be in the game forever - ... "

DevA: "... Which is ridiculous by and standard. ..."

DevC: " ... - we implement another game mechanic, that prevents dumb players to do the pipe puzzle game wrong."

DevR: "... And will be a hughe mess in the code."

DevLead: "Correct."

DevC: "And will prevent sophisticated solutions like using pipes for different fluids."

DevLead: "Those 0.001% of the players? They will complain and pout, but they are hardcore and hooked and will continue playing. Forget them."

DevC: "It is dumbing down and limiting the game .... "

DevA: " ... for ridiculous reasons ... "

DevR: " ... with unforseeable consequences, except for a pletora of new bugs ... "

DevB: " ... and there are good alternatives."

DevLead: "I am the boss. And I have spoken. And don't forget vodoo isn't ridiculous. Vodoo is real."

DevD: "May I suggest two game modes? One for the inexperienced or dumb and one for the experienced or smart?"

DevR: "NO! Code for two different game modes would explode the spaghetti."

DevC: "No! We will do game modes in this project only if they can be implemented by different values. Not by different code!"

DevLead: "No! And don't dare to suggest something like that again. NEW GUY! ... In fact, thinking about it, you are going to implement the new fluid mixing prevention mechanic."

DevD: "WHAT? Why me? I didn't do anything!"

DevLead: "You are the new guy and the new ones have to do the work."

DevR: "Tehehehee. .... But don't be sad, I will help you."

DevLead: "No you won't. I assigned a very specific task to you. Keep to it."

DevR: "You mean replying 'Works as intended' to every 2nd bug report?"

DevLead: "Yes. That one. I want factorio out of early access somewhen in the next 6 months, ok?"



... 1 year later ...

DevR: "boskid wrote a new bugreport!"

DevD: "What is it this time?"

DevR: "I don't yet understand it. It seems the game crashes when connecting two surface-to-ground pipes after rotating them 2 times clockwise followed by 3 times counter clockwise and then placing 2 stg ghosts facing away from each other, right next to them."

DevD: "AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaah"

DevD runs away, ripping out his hair, to equal parts raging and crying. DevLead and DevC enter the room.

DevLead: "What is it?"

DevR: "boskid won't stop sending bug reports."

DevC: "Are they valid?"

DevR: "Sure they are."

DevLead: "Can't you 'Works as intended' them, like I told you?"

DevR: "When the game crashes? Also boskids actions have drawn too much attention. Also boskid is not a newbie. I can shut down this bug report here for example. See that one? This user specifically registered to make a bug reoprt. Look! How cute. I can WAI it. That user won't protest, will be frustrated and never return. It ain't possible with boskid."

DevC: "Damn it."

DevA: "You know, we are in this situation because of ridiculous reasons?"

DevB: "And we could have implemented some good alternatives?"

DevD (some rooms further away): "aaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaa aaaaaa."

DevLead: "You two, be silent already! Can't we rework the code?"

DevC: "DevD went crazy."

DevR: "... and we are fixing the code. But there is always something new, we didn't know about. Remember? Spaghetti?"

DevLead:"I tell you how we solve this problem. We invite boskid to our offices and then we drain this little buggers life."

DevC: "You mean, kill the man?"

DevLead:" 'To kill' is what you call it. In vodoo he will move to the afterlife. It is a good place. And you know what the best thing is, about boskid being in the afterlife? The little bugger can not write bug reports to this dimension. Thiihehehee. Are you all with me on this one?"

DevR: "Absolutely"

DevC: "Let's do it. This story has to end one way or the other."

DevA, DevB: " .... ".

DevD (some rooms away): "YEAAAAAAAAAAH! KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL. aaaaaaaa aaaaa aaaa KILL KILL"

[boskid]

xD

[Illiou]

This is hilarious

[JimBarracus]

I think it will end like the seperated fluid waggons
>minor update
>"fluid mixing prevention removed"

whoopsie

[mmmPI]

Is there a legal place to find the previous acts ?
I'll wait to see the next one anyway:)

[_Attila_]

As all good satire, there is much truth to this. I recognize the WAI treatment for sure.
Good job.

[eradicator]

I especially like the very suble dev-name choices :D.

As all good satire, there is much truth to this. I recognize the WAI treatment for sure.
Good job. :lol:

When your post count rises the WAI is replaced by "It's broken but fixing is not worth the effort", or shorter: JDDT ("Just don't do that").

[Jap2.0]

Yeah, I also had fun trying to figure out who was who.