Multiplayer is unplayably laggy

[suprduprkrkmania]

Since I bought Factorio about a year ago I have struggled to get it working with another person, me and a friend bought it so we could play together but the ingame ping is insane, 2 days ago I got some new network gear installed and have a 5fold increase in bandwitch up and down over my previous connection, but to my disappointment, factorio is still unplayable,

I only play with one friend who lives in the UK while I live in Czechia, a speedtest reveals that I have a ping of 60 ms to a town near him. but ingame, I generally have about 30 ticks and more, If he attempts to to connect to me then I of course have a wonderful experience but he then suffers with similarly horrible ping.

When I attempt to connect to a server (even in mainland europe) I still have extremely high latency. (that is even apparent with a chat delay)

Before the new hardware got installed, I was locked out of the router, so now I have access and can do things there if need be.

my specs:
Internet:
5G reciever, 100-130 mbit down, 10 up
connection from router comes through a single gigabit router
wired gigabit connection to pc

PC:
Ryzen 5 2700 4GHZ OC
4X4 8GB DDR4 2400 MHZ
RX 580
Factorio is stored on a Samsung m.2 SSD

My friend abroad has basically the same setup (with the x model of the CPU and faster ram)

His internet specs:

40 mbit down, 8 up, <10 ms of ping (hard wired instead of my wireless)

As a sidenote, before covid forced me back home I took my pc down to the dormitory of my school where the sysadmin and my ICT teacher was ever so kind as to let me use the gigabit network (1000 down 1000 up, <1ms) the school has instead of the 30mbit meant for the student wifi network, and when we tried it, we could finally play factorio, but even then, we noticed that it would ocasionally spike up for a few seconds before calming down.

Now I highly doubt that I need enterprise levels network speeds, but please do enlighten me as to why factorio about the only game that does this for me.

Thank you very much for any and all help you may be able to offer